I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
