forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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