You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
