he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
