THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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