i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
