just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
