He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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