I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
