so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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