I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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