you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
