My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
