She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
