I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
