i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
