I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
