My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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