so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
