these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
