omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
