I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
