Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Im part way to drunk.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
