I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
