theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We have started to decorate penises.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
