Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
