i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
