how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
