nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
