Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
