i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Im part way to drunk.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
