i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
