I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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