He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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