I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Swine flu is the new snow day.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
