first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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