I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
