it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
