he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I wish there were birth control emojis
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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