i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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