she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
