I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
