tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
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