I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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