tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We need to get me chipped asap
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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