Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
NoShamevember. You game?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
