Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
