JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
