I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
