After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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