I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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