my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
