when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
