You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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