I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
