Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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