Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
