i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Someone came in the potted fern
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
