My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
