Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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