Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
