My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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