So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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